GabbityGabby
Elite Member
Frustrated, a group of overworked elves decided to get rid of Santa Claus. They planned to sleigh him. 
ENDED Best pun wins a BARBER Quarter;Ends Friday, February 26th at 8:00 CST
- Thread starter matmit
- Start date
I hate you all!OP's wife should be ashamed for shaking us up like ants in a jar! Leaving the door 'ajar' for us to display our collective madness!..This whole thread makes me want to punch all contributors of Puns right in the piehole!. Including myself! I hate Puns! Freaking Canadians!
I Googled 'Puns' for proper 'Homophonic' format, got 'Count Basie's harmographic soundtrack'!..Finally got to Wiki, and went picking through the sticky, and what I found there kicked me in the dicky!
Homophonic, Homographic, Homonymic? Kodachromic, Hyphenated, or Mnemonic? I dont understand the fervor for this lingualists maneuver, but for silver I will try to shave the Barber! Against stiff competition, from contestants contributions, I assuage myself with liquid absolution!...
There! drops mic..! I dont get Puns..never have, but I can for sure lay down some gosh darn inebriated syllabation up on this Motherhubbard! Thats worth a damn Merc for second place at least!...If you got a Barber Q, you got a Merc!...you should be ashamed of yourself, MatMit for drawing us into your marital problems, we all married crazy wimmen, yet we dont lay this trip on you!......You should get a divorce from this Syllabatic Seeking Siren that has captured you, or just up and leave! You know, like a tree...
Mud
I am no Candaidan sir!
I read these to my wife every night so thanks for your input
You are correct sir and I will have to abide by my own rules and award the prize to the one who submits the best homophonic pun.
Not sure why I chose that type, but I did.
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coin chaser
Forum Supporter
You are corect sir and I will have to abide by my own rules and award the prize to the one who submits the best homophonic pun.
Not sure why I chose that type, but I did.
Come on Matt
Attachments
A bear walks into a bar and orders a whiskey and.................. cola.
The bartender says "Why the big pause?"
The bear shrugs his shoulders and says "No idea, I was born with them."
Sorry, just found this was already taken!
Disregard.
The bartender says "Why the big pause?"
The bear shrugs his shoulders and says "No idea, I was born with them."
Sorry, just found this was already taken!
Disregard.
spaceshark
Full Member
A proctologist pulled out in front of another driver. He rectum.
DIGGER27
In Memory Of
If your friends all jumped off a dock, would you?
Yea, I'm a sucker for pier pressure.
Yea, I'm a sucker for pier pressure.
Mud-puppy
Forum Supporter
Guy was driving down the road when his dirty cheap beat up old car began to make an awful racket.
He pulled into a mechanics garage and got out jumping around yelling and swearing....The mechanic comes out and the guy continued to rail. "I need you to fix my bleeping car right now! And dont try to rip me off either! I dont have much bleeping money!"
Mechanic says "No"...Guy yells, "Whatdoyou mean No? You havnt even popped the hood yet to see what my problem is!"
Mechanic says, "Dont have to, I can tell from here your piston broke"
Mud
ps: I think I got the hang of this now Matmit...made this "Pissed and broke" one up while out shoveling snow this morning..It should be an original...might have to search google to see? I'm on a roll now damn you!
'Shoveling snow is a PITA, you should see my piles!
He pulled into a mechanics garage and got out jumping around yelling and swearing....The mechanic comes out and the guy continued to rail. "I need you to fix my bleeping car right now! And dont try to rip me off either! I dont have much bleeping money!"
Mechanic says "No"...Guy yells, "Whatdoyou mean No? You havnt even popped the hood yet to see what my problem is!"
Mechanic says, "Dont have to, I can tell from here your piston broke"
Mud
ps: I think I got the hang of this now Matmit...made this "Pissed and broke" one up while out shoveling snow this morning..It should be an original...might have to search google to see? I'm on a roll now damn you!
'Shoveling snow is a PITA, you should see my piles!
DIGGER27
In Memory Of
Guy was driving down the road when his dirty cheap beat up old car began to make an awful racket.
He pulled into a mechanics garage and got out jumping around yelling and swearing....The mechanic comes out and the guy continued to rail. "I need you to fix my bleeping car right now! And dont try to rip me off either! I dont have much bleeping money!"
Mechanic says "No"...Guy yells, "Whatdoyou mean No? You havnt even popped the hood yet to see what my problem is!"
Mechanic says, "Dont have to, I can tell from here your piston broke"
Mud
ps: I think I got the hang of this now Matmit...made this "Pissed and broke" one up while out shoveling snow this morning..It should be an original...might have to search google to see? I'm on a roll now damn you!
'Shoveling snow is a PITA, you should see my piles!
Good one, Mud...so you made that up?
You've come a long way, baby!
Now if we can just get you to learn to eat with a fork and not put all those holes all over your face that would be a good thing.
DIGGER27
In Memory Of
AIRFORCEMIKE
Forum Supporter
I once hunted with Matmit before I Mitmat...
not even sure thats right...LOL
not even sure thats right...LOL
Mud-puppy
Forum Supporter
Nice selfie there D27! Great use of household items! I bet you are a crowd favorite at Cosplay, Comicon or a Furry Convention! Some scrap cardboard, a couple of toilet paper rolls, some pipe cleaners, hot glue gun and a little imagination, and a guy is in like Flint!
Back to the topic on hand..Forks are over rated....a single use item actually...What else can you use them for?
Most of the World seems to function just fine without them. Heck, just hands or chopsticks are all a guy needs. Knives are handy and a multiuse product. Probably Mankinds greatest invention. Spoons are a relatively new concept. Marketing gimmick, invented by the Campbell Soup Co. I think...
I mean sheesh...all a guy really needs is a knife and a bic lighter to get by in this World.. and a plastic tarp of course...
Mud
Great use of household items! I bet you are a crowd favorite at Cosplay, Comicon or a Furry Convention! Some scrap cardboard, a couple of toilet paper rolls, some pipe cleaners, hot glue gun and a little imagination, and a guy is in like Flint!Back to the topic on hand..Forks are over rated....a single use item actually...What else can you use them for?
Most of the World seems to function just fine without them. Heck, just hands or chopsticks are all a guy needs. Knives are handy and a multiuse product. Probably Mankinds greatest invention. Spoons are a relatively new concept. Marketing gimmick, invented by the Campbell Soup Co. I think...
I mean sheesh...all a guy really needs is a knife and a bic lighter to get by in this World.. and a plastic tarp of course...
Mud
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Mud-puppy
Forum Supporter
I once hunted with Matmit before I Mitmat...
not even sure thats right...LOL
Matmit in full spousal ardor,
busted our brains for a Barber!
He put you and me on this punishing spree,
For a Walker we would have tried harder!
Mud
Ice Scratcher
Elite Member
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2012
- Messages
- 18,347
This thread reminds me of the story about a dyslexic agnostic pirate, the guy spent his whole nmad life wondering about some dog..
Rra
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Rra
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GabbityGabby
Elite Member
A sewage backup into the neighborhood was reeking havoc everywhere.
Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming metal detecting trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, metal detector in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied.
Yesterday, when I left work , I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go detecting. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."
"When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful negligee and she said, ' Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'.....
So, here I am!"
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, metal detector in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied.
Yesterday, when I left work , I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go detecting. Then the ol' lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."
"When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful negligee and she said, ' Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'.....
So, here I am!"
coin chaser
Forum Supporter
(True story Matt)
My buddy (a doctor) texts me a pic of his truck speedometer showing almost 100mph with a heading saying "running late to work!"
I replied "slow down no one is dying.... to see you they are all just sick..... of waiting"
My buddy (a doctor) texts me a pic of his truck speedometer showing almost 100mph with a heading saying "running late to work!"
I replied "slow down no one is dying.... to see you they are all just sick..... of waiting"