On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are families where only one child is willing to put in the effort to keep them out of the nursing home. That is what my mom and my sister are going through right now with my grandma. My grandma had four kids, and grandpas been dead for 20 years. The oldest child, my aunt, really just doesn't get along or like my grandma, so she isn't really willing to do much. My uncle lives far away, although to his credit he did take grandma in for 6 months when she had a stroke about 8 years ago. Still, we took in my grandma for a total of 32 months over the last 5 years.
And then we get to my youngest aunt. To put it nicely, she is flipping crazy! There was a time when she got addicted to pain killers for a while, but from what I understand she eventually got off them. Still, she is one of those people whos mind runs 100 mph a minute, and is opinionated about everything (negative opinions). On top of this, she also seems to like to sabotage my mom and sister's efforts to help grandma. Example: this Christmas my aunt got my grandma candles for Christmas, AFTER my mom had told everyone that grandma cant have candles because she tries to light them and then forgets about them. Its a safety issue. Even after knowing this, my aunt got her a candle, as if to somehow spite my mother.
This aunt has also made it a point to call my grandma on certain days when she KNOWS/ HAS BEEN TOLD REPEATEDLY by my mom not to because my mom is an online teacher and is giving live sessions to her students and doesn't want grandma yelling into the phone to talk with her. Needless to say, my aunts ridiculousness has caused even more problems in the family than there already are with my grandmas health.
What I'm trying to say is this, its great that some of you guys and gals that have gone through/ are going through this are getting the family support that it takes to do it at home and not send them to a nursing home at some point, but unfortunately that is not the way it ends up in many cases. In my families case, there is just no support. My mother and sister are stuck in the house everyday because they don't feel safe leaving her alone. They feel that my grandma is ungrateful for the help they are giving, and from what I have seen (I don't live on this side of the country) that about sums it up. My grandma can be a very negative person (like my crazy aunt), and her negativity/ungreatfulness is often aimed at my mom and sister. My two aunts literally live 20 minutes away, but they never offer to give my mom and sister a break. All of my cousins that live nearby are always like "You two are doing a great job!" but offer no help.So the question basically becomes, why should my mother and sister have to live through this with no help from family? My sister is in her mid-20s and has no social life whatsoever... she doesn't even hang out with our cousins, because she has to help watch my grandma. My sister is at the point in her life where she should be dating or at least going out and making friends! Hell, how many woman do we all know who are 25 who are already married and/or with kids? My sister just doesn't have that opportunity right now, even if she wanted it. At this point my mother is up every morning at 4 AM and goes to bed at 10 PM. My sister covers the watch from 1 PM every day to 3 AM every morning. This is no way to live.
I know this is a rant, and some may say that I or my mother and sister are being selfish or some bull cra p, but like I said, without family support this sort of thing gets depressing for the people are having to do it alone and get no break... Nursing homes begin to feel more and more tempting in this sort of situation.