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At a convention of biological scientists, one prominent researcher remarked to another, 'Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?'
'Really?' the other researcher replied. 'Why did you switch?'
'Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do.'
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A young boy walked up to his father and asked, "Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth?"
The father thought for a moment. "Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case."
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A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, 'I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.'
The old farmer replied, 'This is my property, and you are not coming over here.'
The indignant lawyer said, 'I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.'
The old farmer smiled and said, 'Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.'
The lawyer asked, 'What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?'
The Farmer replied, 'Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.' The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, 'Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!'
The old farmer smiled and said, 'No, I give up.You can have the duck!
... but to stick to the topic, it's why I decided to join after a few weeks of lurking, so ... thanks. BTW being a retired Sailor, I sometime let the ole Sailor come out 
, so if'n I do, smack me in the head and I'll come back to reality!
say this three time fast;;;I`m a sheet slitter, I slit sheets. I`m the best sheet slitter that ever slit a sheet.
