I'm very depressed, let's hear some funny detecting stories

Lee1968 said:

My wife and I were cleaning out the culverts at a creek on our property. We walked a little ways down the creek to make sure everything was flowing properly. Walking back up the creek, I said "keep an eye out for arrowheads." Immediately, she said "Like this one?" as she bent down to pick up the best spear point I have ever seen. We had it dated by an archaeologist at 5000 years old. To this day I have searched and searched, and she still thinks it is as easy as just going to the creek and picking them up!

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Believe it or not I actually have a degree in archaeology. I don't use it but I have it! I have a great reference book for dating arrowheads. I'll have to see if I can find it to get you the exact title. I think its in my basement which I can't get to at the moment because of the steps HAHA. I always have an eye out for arrowheads when I'm out detecting. Great story!

I had just got my detecting equipment out of my car and hadn't even turned it on when a woman came up and started yelling about all of the holes that i was digging. i looked around and told her to talk to the one doing it. She turned around to see a squirrel digging for nuts.

I was in the process of digging a target that just happened to be right on top of a mole's tunnel and he just happened to be passing through as I was finishing up digging the hole. He was none too happy about having his tunnel dug up and made it clear to me by making some squeaking noises and I was taking the last handful of dirt from the hole... I just about jumped out of my skin. Then look around to make sure nobody saw me.

Last year (2018) I had researched an old site that was about an hour's drive from home. The day we were going to hunt it, we loaded all our things into the car and away we went. We finally got to the site and only then realized that we had forgotten to take the detectors !

So Sorry to hear about your accident and depression resulting...Oct 5th is a strange day for me as well...Back in 1980 I was also in the Hospital on Oct5th!...It was 5am and my Daughter was being born very quickly...I was in the delivery room...We took all the prebirth classes and I had a general idea regarding what to expect..except for all the swearing and yelling....

Anyway, unbeknownst to me, my Daughter flipped around in utero and a 'Breech Birth' commenced! She was emerging rear end first! So while I was expecting to see the top of my childs head like in the training, out was coming what appeared to either be a set of ugly twins or a single kid with a butt for a head and two legs for ears!

OK, well funny detecting story huh? Well, I was out on the local public beach very early one morning, like around 4am, sweeping the sand, and here comes along two Beach Rangers patrolling....They surrounded me and told me that the beach doesnt open until 6am and that I had to leave...I asked them what are they doing out here then? They said the only people out here on the beach this time of the night are drunks and skinny dippers...So I said, "OK, so you are saying, if I take off my pants I can stay?"

Get well soon Brother! Life is full of adventures and scars ...Depression wanders around like a miserable Inlaw looking for a place to knock the joy out of....It dont like laughter, it dont like being outdoors... you can avoid it just by laughing at a cripple or throwing an apple at a hitchhiking Hippy.....Or even better, doing something nice for a Stranger!....Depression dont like that at all!

I was detecting around the edge of a small parking area by the creek and picnic area in a forest preserve when 2 cars pulled in and began unloading. They had most of their stuff out when one of the guys saw me and said "put it all back, we're not staying. That guy is looking for bombs and we don't want to be here if he finds one". They packed it all up and moved to the other side of the bridge and unloaded there. I wish I would have had a loud firecracker with me.

Several years ago I was detecting at the grassy area that surrounds the Polo fields at San Francisco's Golden Gate Park . It was a beautiful day and I was having a wonderful time .
I guess I had been there for about an hour when I see some woman rapidly walking toward me . In a couple of seconds she's in my face , arms folded and looking at me as if I had peed in her Cheerios .
She looked like a burned out old hippie who had taken more than her share of bad trips . Not very good looking at all , in fact she would have been ugly if she were a man !
She looks at me and says " are you killing the helpless gophers with that strange machine "? They have a right to live too !

After I stopped laughing , I explained what a metal detector was and that gophers were my friends also and would sometimes push up coins and rings for me atop their mounds .

Convinced that I was a fellow dips--t she went happily on her way .

Hang in there Bro , things are going to get better .

Soil Surgeon said:

Several years ago I was detecting at the grassy area that surrounds the Polo fields at San Francisco's Golden Gate Park . It was a beautiful day and I was having a wonderful time .
I guess I had been there for about an hour when I see some woman rapidly walking toward me . In a couple of seconds she's in my face , arms folded and looking at me as if I had peed in her Cheerios ....

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Loved this story. And since I'm familiar with the location and the ... uh... "culture" there, I can almost envision all of this. Good thing you didn't harm all those helpless innocent gophers! Heaven forbid

Mud-puppy said:

... a strange day for me as well...Back in 1980 I was ...

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My only goal in life: To somehow have the golden-pen award writing skills as puppy-mud !

Maybe you should log in to American Digger Magazine. Butch Holcomb wrote a book called "Never Mace a Skunk". It is about us diggers and it's is a real side splitter. Later him and Charlie Harris hooked up and wrote "Never Mace a Skunk Two". He still has copies for sale.

A dung beetle walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, is this stool taken.

A stupid joke, but i hope it makes u smile.

Didja hear the one about the Politician who picked a 10lb booger?
Before he could eat it, his head collapsed!

Didja hear the one about the two cannibals eating a clown? One said, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

Didja hear the one about the two cannibal frogs? One turned to the other and said, "By gosh! We DO taste like chicken!"

How do you drive a Millennial crazy? Put him in a round room and tell him theres a bit coin in the corner!

This last summer , I go hunt Newport Beach. It's about 85°...at 2am. And it's a full moon so not much need for my headlamp , which I had on. I started a few jettys north of the pier. The area near the pier has restaurants , bars ,etc. Party time for sure with quite a few people milling about , even in the early hours. As I'm down walking the low tide water's edge , I look up on the slope near the jetty. About 100' away from me , I can make out a couple doing some hanky-panky. I had to go between them and around the jetty to get to my next hunting area. Now it's a full moon remember. As I get about 10' away , they are buck naked. She must have said to him "don't move , maybe he won't see us". They aren't moving and what I really see the most of is this guys white behind ! It was funny , yet very awkward. As I passed , I thought about lighting them up for all to see with my headlamp , but didn't. All I could say was "how's it going" and kept walking to my next hunting spot.

I just remembered this one I posted in 2013... It actually happened around this time of the year..

Last night dark out,7:30, middle of my friends front yard, Toledo, close city lots...

I was just flipping a huge frozen plug, as she pulled into her drive..

Her headlights made a huge shadow from my plug..lol..

As she opens her car door I say a friendly, "Hello"....

She looks angry... She asks, "what are you DOING!?"

I smile and said, "metal detecting"

She said, "Oh no you're NOT!" I smile and point at the house that is in the yard I am detecting and say, "I know Jason..." She said.. I don't care, I'm calling the police!!"

LoL, So Jason comes out of his house, and assures her that he knows me, and is fine with me MDing..

She said "I don't care WHO YOU ARE! Get away from MY PROPERTY!! (he was still in his yard) I have CHILDREN!! I'm calling the police!!" And she stormed into the house...

I could hear her on the phone "Um yes, there are two guys in front of my house digging, with flashlights, could you please send someone, please, RIGHT AWAY!!" Then she storms out of her house just long enough to say, "Just so you know, the police are on the way" I said. "Good, I hope they take YOU AWAY!!!" LOL!

So 20 minutes later, two cars pull up, they get out, I say "Hello" they asked "What is going on here" I told them what happened, the one officer asked "who lives here?" I pointed at my buddy and said "Him" they almost cracked up. They looked at each other and then back at us and then the one said, "well you guys are well within your rights here, what is her problem?" My buddy said, that is only the second time in two years that she has said anything to him.. Then they started asking about my ATP, "Does that thing work good? How deep? Etc..." Then the one said "Well good luck fellas, I guess we will head over and get her take.." I thanked them, and nothing else became of it... I thought it was funny, turns out, her kids are around 14 and 19 and don't even live there, and she doesn't either, she just stops in to check on her mental brother that lives there...

If it was summer time, we would still have had at least, 2 1/2 hours of sunshine..

All types, folks, all types...

Lee1968 said:

My wife and I were cleaning out the culverts at a creek on our property. We walked a little ways down the creek to make sure everything was flowing properly. Walking back up the creek, I said "keep an eye out for arrowheads." Immediately, she said "Like this one?" as she bent down to pick up the best spear point I have ever seen. We had it dated by an archaeologist at 5000 years old. To this day I have searched and searched, and she still thinks it is as easy as just going to the creek and picking them up!

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Great Story and Congrats on such an awesome find!

I was at a seeded hunt put on by another club. A woman from my club was hunting next tome. She reached down and picked up a real nice arrowhead. She asked "Do you think they planted this?"