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Jokes..

DIGGER27

In Memory Of
Joined
Feb 13, 2010
Messages
15,649
Location
Alabama, by way of Detroit, Tampa Bay, Alabama and
Found these on a UK detecting site...these kind of jokes just crack me up..

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
*********
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
**********
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
**********
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
**********
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
**********
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant!
**********
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
**********
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'.
" That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
**********
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I
was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
**********
A guy walks into the psychiatrist! wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
*********
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
**********
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
**********
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

**********
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
**********
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people
in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad......or maybe my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
 
A neutron walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
The bartender gives the neutron the drink, he downs it, and heads to pay his bill.
"How much did that cost?" He asks.
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"
****************
Three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.
****************
A man walks into a bar--OW!
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I've got some cow puns, but they're udderly ridiculous!
If I went on any more about them, I'd be milking it for all it's worth!
Get ready to cry, some of them are pretty MOOving.

****************
There I go, off on a tangent again....they say it's the first sine of madness!
But for me to really know that you feel the same, I'll need to have you cosine a document saying so!
That about sums it up.
****************
I've also got a crop of bad botany puns....but I'm going out on a limb here by even bringing them up!
Just leaf me alone, I know they're bad!
But just wait, they'll pop up again next year!
****************

HH! ~NC
 
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