1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them
up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8.. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this
is so bad, it's good...) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says, "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The
other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them
up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8.. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only
Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this
is so bad, it's good...) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
Thanks, Dave!
