My Friend... Are you skinny becuase everything you eat falls right out your belly button? Do your friends laugh at you because every time you put a jewel in your navel, it falls inside and is lost forever? When you do the Charleston, does the wind whistle through your ribs? Is *that* what's plaguing you, Petunia?!
WELL STAND UP AND CHEER! Because Granny Gumdad has the remedy! Granny Gumdad's Patented Navel Replacer is here to save the day! Replace your old, worn out belly button with a sleek, chic shiny stainless steel screw-on NAVEL REPLACER! Just screw it in, tighten it down and away you go! You can order in four sizes, from Small Child chi-chi to Grown Man Manhole cover, and EACH Patented Navel Replacer is GUARANTEED for the life of your tummy! We have extra long versions for the beer gut and slender Ladies Models (guaranteed never to flutter when you pass wind, girls! SHHH it's OUR secret!) Endorsed by Granny Gumdad's personal beautician, Madge!
So rush right out and get Granny Gumdad's Patented Navel Replacer NOW! Available at finer pharmacies and feed-stores everywhere.
Void Where Prohibited By Fred!