I ask the spirits of the woods to give me a sign to where the good stuff is buried. Chase alot of squirels and birds around with little to show for it. Maybe I should of been more specific in my requests, they could of just led me to their nut stash and the ATP didn't pick up on it.
Well, it would sure be nice to have some help out here, I agree and think about this often!...Like maybe a squadron of some properly trained moles? I bet a guy could train them, after all, they are mammals, and from what I've heard, besides Human Males, most mammals are trainable and smart!! Certainly a fellow could train a mole? Pavlov style? Certainly a mole can be trained to discriminate precious metals from junk?
See? Like dump a whole bag of them out onto a ballfield, then just sit back under an umbrella with a cooler full of beer and let them do their thing?? Like some sort of furry Dirt Coin Cormorants?...they go root around and find coins and silver and gold, push it to the top, give out a little chirp, and you go out and take the coin and give them a pat on the head and a mealie worm?
In fact, set them out to go root around underneath a sidewalk or a street even! Or at Gettysburg! Go and find and bring back all sorts of gold and old silver, belt plates, whatever!! Hell, you dont even need to ask permission! Dump a sack of moles out into somebodies yard and let them do the work! Thats the answer! Moles! This is a franchisable idea me buckos! You could have a little mole truck, just drive down the street and sling them out into the yards like a paper boy! Get Rich Quick! Mudpuppy Mole Mining Enterprises is now accepting investors!
In fact, for a few dollars more, besides your fleet of moles, we also have some trained magpies who will bring the mole miners coins right to you! You dont even have to get up out of your chair! I'm on to something big here!
I tried this concept with badgers once, so I know its viable...I let them loose in an old graveyard, wood caskets, old stones, and they went straight to work!....funny as hell for a while!...Everybody was wearing a tuxedo, top hat, spats, a monocle and a pocket watch by the end of the day! Me and my Badgers sat there smoking stogies, drinking beer, swearing, and laughing like a Mr. Peanut Furry Family reunion! It was a blast! Then, they got greedy...as Badgers do...conspired against me...
The thing with Badgers,...you dont ever want to run out of mice, chipmunks or young prairie dog pups! This is troublesome....Badgers can get pretty ill tempered and have the teeth to back up their Union Demands, they eat a lot and demand respect, heavy drinkers, so its about a break even with a fleet of Badgers...pretty sure they were stealing too..
As an 1099 Employer, Who cares what a mole thinks? Give them a nightcrawler and a dandelion root gift basket for Thanksgiving, and they are happy! Damn blind weak little things, they get out of hand, or try to organize and negotiate for fair pay...just stomp the leaders and start all over!...Or, simply drive away a few blocks! It would take years for them to catch you!...Even then! Whats a Mole intent on vengence gonna do? Dig up your freaking flowerbed? Destroy your Brown Eyed Susans and uproot your pansies? Ok....yeah, real scared there squinty........
You cant really do this with a Badger, easily stomp them that is..or simply drive off..they are like a big bitey bathroom toilet surround shag carpet, with claws, a .38 revolver, and a knife...The Mammilian epitome of organized Teamster Prairie Dog Town Gypsies...got longstanding familial alliances with the Coyotes, Rattlesnakes, and Wolverines, connections with Owls and Eagles, Woodpeckers, Squirrels...Like the 'Peaky Blinder' gang, or the SEIU...(google it)...
Badgers have their place in Society but are not for everybody...In good conscience, its Not a good franchise concept for Mudpuppy Enterprises to release Badgers onto the unsuspecting Metal Detecting Public...you gotta have some management and negotiating skills to handle Badgers, a bit of brutality sometimes,.........Not like running a Subway or a Dollar Store, a McDonalds or even the Walmart corp office...
Yep..Moles are the answer for us!! Harmless little grub hunting narrow sighted guttersnipes!...
