Yeah!...Every Married guy knows this! The wrong place to be complaining about the service or quality of food is at Home! Especially with a gun in the house!
So this guy had it coming! I understand she burnt up his dinner casserole and drank his last beer, but damn! Just calmly get up, without saying a word! Go down to the likker store, get yerself more beer, stop at the BK drive through, get yerself 2 chicken sandwiches for $5, rifle through the dumpster and find an order of onion rings to take home for Her...For some reason, Old Wimmen like onion rings, maybe its the smell?
Anyway...Fast gobblestuff those BK chik samiches right down your pie hole in the parking lot, maybe quickchug a beer to wash it down and get your bravery up...Then, on your way home, whip through the graveyard and pick up a nice fresh bouquet of flowers..chug another beer...C'mon! Everybody knows this!
You deliver those onion rings and flowers in a nice display? Maybe with ONE beer for her to gargle it all down with? Keep your eyes averted downwards and Just dont say dick! Like a Horse Whisperer! Dont make any noise, and for Gods sakes do NOT reach for the remote! Just go fix something...or prepare to offer a foot massage and listen to all sorts of inconsequential Wimmen talk bullkrappery as she is gobbling those 'rings and swilling down that beer....pretend to fix the oven that was the cause of this problem in the first place...say something about the damned Chinese "Thermocouple"...
So there you go! 3 beers left out in the snowpile! Everybody is happy, nobody gets killed! At this juncture you could do one of two things....Think about Christy Lane singing "One Day at a time sweet Jesus!" And stay in the relationship, Or, if you built up a roadstake, and prepared ahead of time, have all your stuff packed and in the car, you could simply employ Marie Osmond's advice and holler "Goodbye Bellyfat!" as you pull out of the driveway!...They are both viable options...
Everybody knows Old pist off hormonally imbalanced Women kill more Men on this Planet than Great White Sharks, Rattlesnakes, and Grizzly bears combined! Men! You gotta know what you are up against! After a certain time, Being married is like living with a murderous Bigfoot..Complaining about a burnt casserole or who drank the 'last beer' is just suicidal...
Nobody should play with Wimmen or Rattlesnakes unless they know what they are doing! Sure, they are both interesting, exciting, pretty even in their own way...but you gotta know how to pick them up, how to handle them, and you really gotta know how to get away in a hurry if they go all murderous and sideways on ya...
In Rattlesnakes defense, they will never shoot you between the eyes, or cut off your winky with a butcher knife! Or call the cops or a lawyer! They cant even turn on an oven let alone burn a casserole!...Obviously, they do not have any hands! Or feet for that matter! So the whole foot massage thingy is also a moot point...plus, as far as I know, Rattlesnakes dont drink beer or eat onion rings...so theres that...Or, better yet, instead of going to all this trouble, just shoot yourself!...Be a bit considerate, have a bit of residual decency and go outside ...so as not to make a mess...
