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  #1  
Old 06-08-2007, 06:51 PM
Steeler1 Steeler1 is offline
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Default My heart is broken.

First Im sorry to unload this here, but it might help me to get some advice and I dont know where to turn.


My grandaughter (age 2 1/2 years) has spent 1/2 her little life with me. I can not tell you the amount of days/nights she has spent with me and my wife here. She got a beautiful bedroom here, clothes, toys, even pets. I have taken here numorous places. The bond we share can not be described in words, so I will not try. Just know she means the world to me. She loves me as much as I do her.

She is the child of my son and his girlfriend. My son has had a big drug problem for years. He has mistreated Heather (his gf, mother of my grandaughter) for a long time. Never physical abuse, but mental abuse can sometimes be worse. Anyway, this past Friday they had another big fight. Heather evidently felt scared and had enough of my son. She took herself and the grandaughter to a shelter someplace.

I am told it's a no contact shelter. I assume she is hiding out until she gets some kind of custody ruling, and maybe even a PFA (protection from abuse) order against my son. In the meantime, my son has checked hisself into a treatment center and is now promising big changes in his life. He realizes he must make changes to see his daughter.

But I am concerned Heather wont let me see the child like we used to. That little girl is someplace missing me and asking for her Pappy right now. My heart is breaking badly. I am concerned that the mother-father will be having a nasty custody battle and slinging mud back/forth..And I will be left out.

I sit here looking at her pictures going crazy. I am not eating or sleeping properly. I miss my grandaughter badly, and I know she is confused and crying to come here as well.

I am so sorry to vent here, but again, it helps me some to unload. Do grandparents have any rights at all? Or is my future relationship with the child at the mercy of her mother?
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  #2  
Old 06-08-2007, 07:17 PM
Kerry Kerry is offline
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I am so sorry you are going thru this. I'm sure I speak for all of my fellow forum friends that our hearts go out to you.

Yes, grandparents DO have legal rights. But take a few days and see what happens. Shelters are usually temporary stays, so perhaps the mother will contact you. Maybe she will see what a safe and loving place your home is, and do what's best for the child.

If this doesn't turn around the way you wish, contact a lawyer or child advocate and see what legal rights you have.

Hoping for the best for you-
Kerry
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  #3  
Old 06-08-2007, 07:59 PM
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fastforty fastforty is offline
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I can only imagine your pain, but I have some idea. We spent a year & a half spending a lot of time with & becoming very attached to a foster child. She was moved from the home that we had contact with her through, & since we weren't foster parents CWS wouldn't even talk to us. We blasted through our training classes & got our license in record time, but still spent the next 2-3 months begging, pleading & basically, pestering the daylights out of them for placement. Again, since she was a foster child, we had absolutely no right to even know that she existed. We did file for Defacto Parent status on her though. It was quite the surprise when her case worker finally called me (we had been calling her practically daily, with no change in her attitude) & asked if we could be ready for placement within 24 hours. That was almost 7 years ago, we took placement immediately (duh) and we adopted her ASAP. She is almost 13 now & such a sweet, eager to please child. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we had no business even knowing that this little girl even existed, but we pulled it off. Grandparents DO have rights, and are the first place that is considered for custody (temporary or permanent) when both parents fail to be able to provide for their child. It takes time. It hurts (everyone). It will work out in the end (hopefully, without any involvement with CWS). I would hope that Heather takes a few days to regroup & comes to you for your help & wisdom. Are her parents in the equation & do you have contact with them?

My heart goes out to you.

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Old 06-08-2007, 08:32 PM
Steeler1 Steeler1 is offline
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First thank you two so much for the encouraging words. And fastforty, I am so glad things worked out good for you. I pray I will have the outcome you did.


Yes her parents are in the equasion as well. I always was as nice as I could be to them, because I seen this coming. Heather's mom is a huge influence on Heather. When all this happened recently, it seems as if her mom has changed. She is acting strangely towards me, I can sense it. Maybe somehow she blames me for my sons actions, I dont know.

She has been a part of the grandaughters life as well, but not even close to my involvement. I fear now she will be influencing Heather away from me. I can just tell.

All I can do is take Kerry's advice. Hope/pray Heather wont change our relationship. And seek legal advice if she does.

Thanks so much for the kind words. It does help to unload someplace.
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  #5  
Old 06-08-2007, 09:14 PM
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marbledave marbledave is offline
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Hey Steeler1. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your situation. I'm a recovering addict with 7 years clean. Its such an immature and selfish disease. There are some excellent support groups, IMHO, such as Nar-anon whose missions are to help support people and families in situations such as yours. Keep yourself healthy and try to stay sane. I'll pray for you and your family.
Sincerely, Dave
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  #6  
Old 06-16-2007, 08:04 PM
Steeler1 Steeler1 is offline
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Smile Update:

Update:


My son has made a 100% turnaround, and I think he has changed. He got two beautiful reasons and motivating factors. His daughter and his gf.

Heather (the gf) contacted me in email and told me she will always consider me family, and would never take my grandaughter from me. As a matter of fact, she says they are going to visit me tomm. (fathers day). I have been preparing for their visit all day. I can't describe how happy I am. I believe everything happens for a reason, and God works in mysterious ways sometimes.

So I have reason to be thankful and hopeful. I am so grateful to all those that wished a good outcome, and sent me private messages. Thank you all so much.
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  #7  
Old 06-17-2007, 12:29 AM
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booker booker is offline
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Congrats and hope it all works out for you

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  #8  
Old 06-17-2007, 12:32 AM
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Snowy Snowy is offline
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Originally Posted by Steeler1 View post
Update:


My son has made a 100% turnaround, and I think he has changed. He got two beautiful reasons and motivating factors. His daughter and his gf.

Heather (the gf) contacted me in email and told me she will always consider me family, and would never take my grandaughter from me. As a matter of fact, she says they are going to visit me tomm. (fathers day). I have been preparing for their visit all day. I can't describe how happy I am. I believe everything happens for a reason, and God works in mysterious ways sometimes.

So I have reason to be thankful and hopeful. I am so grateful to all those that wished a good outcome, and sent me private messages. Thank you all so much.
Have a GREAT Father's Day ... you deserve it!

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  #9  
Old 06-17-2007, 12:50 AM
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spittfire spittfire is offline
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I am glad that things are looking better for you and your family. Try not to anticipate trouble, take each day as it comes and be thankful for any time you get to spend with your granddaughter. Life is strange, what you have given your grandchild will stay with her always and when she is old enough to make her own decisions, she will remember her Grandpa and how much he meant to her when she needed a soft place to fall. Hang in there it will get better!

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